Pipes, Grace Notes And Dying Ducks

Although my birthday isn't until March, my mother sent my birthday present with the Christmas presents. She enjoys making me suffer with temptation. I think she has a bet going about how long I can stand it before I give in and open the birthday presents. Turns out, I lasted longer than she did. She called me the other night wanting to know what I thought about the present she sent. I didn't have any idea what she was talking about. We had squealed with delight over the phone about the gifts we had exchanged. I was at a loss. She said it was in a rectangular box. Oh, well there is a rectangular box marked "Happy Birthday." She told me to open it. Having been given permission to open my birthday present three months early, I ripped off the paper with gusto. To my surprise, it was something I have wanted for several years. A piping chanter kit! You might ask yourself, what's a piping chanter and why does it come in a kit? Well, it's the beginner practice pipe for bagpipes. I have wanted to learn to play the bagpipes and now I have the beginner's learning pipe. Yippie! The beauty of it is that my neighbor's won't even mind. The beginner's pipe does NOT include the bag and therefore has little volume. I quickly put it together and break open the instructions. I cover the holes and blow. It's a good thing it's supposed to sound like a dying duck. I think I might be a natural. Actually, what I was doing was squeaking very well. Anyone who has ever played a reed instrument will know about the squeak. Anyone who has ever listened to a beginner on a reed instrument will know about the squeak. I squeak well. But, hey, it was my first attempt. My second attempt wasn't much better. By the twentieth attempt, I accomplished a low G. Eventually, I managed the scale. I am so proud of myself. After the scale, I decided to turn the page. My heart sank. The first song on the playlist is Amazing Grace. Not Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, not Mary Had A Little Lamb, but Amazing Grace. I noticed these little tiny notes floating around that didn't make much sense. I'm no music wizard, but I can count how many beats to a measure and these guys weren't adding up. Back to the instructions. Turns out bagpipes are an instrument of continuous sound. There is no way to play a note louder than another or to differentiate between notes by taking a breath. "To enable true musical expression in pipe music short notes or grace notes are played throughout a tune to punctuate the music giving emphasis to certain notes or dividing two notes which are the same." Things just got harder. My son is thrilled with my new hobby. Now I can't complain about his lack of guitar playing ability during his practicing. As I blew my squeaks instead of tones, he just laughed. The dog, however, did not. She fled in terror at the sounds of the earth's destruction and took refuge under the desk in the other room.