Only Time

As I grow older, I realize just how foolish I was in my earlier years. I remember being 15 and thinking I knew everything. My parents, especially my mother, were so retarded. They didn't understand anything that I was experiencing.

By the time I was 18, I was ready to take on the world. I was an ADULT after all, and a registered voter. The world was mine for the taking. Then came college. That meant freedom. I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I had no rules but my own. If I wanted to stay out all night, I could. If I wanted to consume many, many beers, I could. If I wanted to run around with "bad boys," I could. Then Chemistry 103.

Dr. Glanville, the needle to pop my fantasy bubble, loved "common knowledge" questions. These were questions that showed up on exams that were never discussed in lecture nor mentioned in the text. As the name implies, they were simply common knowledge. Everyone should know what acetylsalicyclic acid is. Apparently, I didn't know as much as I thought I did because I had no idea what the scientific name for aspirin is. The elemental make-up of the inside of the Alaskan Pipeline, even after all these years has evaded my common knowledge. As a result of my ignorance and inability to absorb chemistry, the 36% cumulative grade prior to the final exam slapped me in my honor roll face.

During college, all five years of it, I learned a bit more about life and the consequences of my actions. I began to realize that maybe I didn't know everything there was to know. The year after I graduated from college was a tremendous learning experience. With degree in hand and my whole life ahead of me, I packed my truck and drove across the United States. I ended up smack in the middle of Seattle, Washington and the height of the grunge scene. It was very cool.

Although I arrived in Seattle knowing not a soul, I did have a name and a phone number of a friend of a friend. Unfortunately, he was out of town when I rolled into town. I spent the first three days in a crappy hotel called "Candy Land." Before you ask, yes there were candy canes along the pathways and two giant ones crisscrossing right in front of the office door.

I could go on and on about the adventures enjoyed while in Seattle. Like the time some crazed home owner pulled out the shotgun, or the time when the crazy woman came into the bookstore where I worked, or the man who wanted to pay me $1000 to perform frottage, or the trip to Crater Lake, or the trip to Mt. Saint Helens, or, or, or. There were so many.

The point is that while living in Seattle in a mouse infested apartment, I learned that I wasn't the reason the sun rises and sets each day. I learned what it is really like to be broke and hungry.

After the best year of my life, I returned to Virginia and worked for the GOVERNMENT. I accepted a position as a Probation and Parole Officer. There are some crazy stories associated with that chapter of my life. Trust me when I say there are some very bad people in the world and sometimes ignorance is best.

During my power days, I was privy to the lives of some very unfortunate people. I saw how they lived every day. Some folks live and work in harsh environments. Life isn't always pretty. Sometimes life kicks you when you are down and then spits on you for good measure. There was this one fellow......but that's for another time.

Then the practice marriage, a cancer scare, three moves, a death and another death, a birth and a new man. He, the most wonderful man on the planet, my husband, came with two children and all the baggage associated with an ex-wife and an ugly divorce. Then, another health scare, a wedding, another move, and another move, and another move to a foreign country, a deployment, another health scare, another move and another deployment. Basically, life happened.

All of this life complete with the Wednesday night at 10:00 p.m. surprises that blindside you (My sister and I call them God's Pop Quizzes) resulted in the person I am today. Actually, I feel pretty good about myself (except for all the adipose tissue "FAT" building up on my body) and am enjoying life for what it is. I try not to take everything so seriously and have embraced the ability to life at certain situations where several years ago, I would have become angry.

The other day, I was sitting with a small group of twenty-something women. They were full of vigor and that I-Know-Everything-And-You-Can't-Tell-Me-What-To-Do attitude. Ah, I remember it fondly. I just sat there and smiled at them, laughing to myself. Oh, how little they know. There's just no reasoning with that mindset.

Then, I started thinking. Here I am at thirty-something and looking at these twenty-somethings and knowing they don't have a clue. I wonder, do forty-somethings look at me and think the same thing? I came to the conclusion that certainly they must. And with that, a burst of understanding, an epiphany, I am so looking forward to getting older. I want to come as close to self-acceptance as I can get. I want to be able to relax and enjoy the simply things in life. I want to appreciate all that I have taken for granted. I want to not worry so much about what people think. To me, it seems all those things come after time. I used to have negative connotations associated with aging, but not anymore. I think it will be wonderful.