God's Pop Quizes

Since the very first day we moved into our house, the toilet in the master bathroom has wobbled. Initially the problem was remedied with a shim. No more wobbles. Last week, the shim was no longer enough and the toilet was wobbling again, more than it had originally. So, my wonderful husband called the plumber.

The plumber came and went on this past Wednesday. Neither my husband nor I were home at the time, but our daughter was. She said the plumber lifted the toilet off the floor and claimed that we had termites and there was nothing he could do about the toilet until the floor was fixed.

Exterminators were called and a handy-man was called. They were scheduled to arrive around noon on Thursday.

Thursday morning I reported to my 9:50 physiology lab at 9:40. At 9:50 am, I was still the only person there. The instructor finally entered the room and asked if I was there for the lab.

"Yes."

"Well, come on into the other room. We aren't having a lab today. I already gave the introduction and dismissed everyone."

"Ah, Am I late?"

"No. You are right on time."

Once we arrived in the correct room, he handed me a syllabus which he said I could NOT keep. Something about how he hadn't been able to secure copies. Then he went on to explain the grading scale and the requirements of the class.

Then, he asked what time the class started.

"9:50."

"Well, if you could arrive no later than 9:30, then you won't miss any of the instructions for the lab."

What?!? I guess it's a good thing that I do not have a class before this one.

After that I was dismissed and went home. Cool. More time for me to study.

When the Orkin man showed up, I told him of the toilet situation. He went into my bathroom and looked and the floor and the toilet's hole in the floor. (No the plumber had not replaced the toilet. He left it off to the side and a towel stuffed in the pipe.)

"Hmmm," he says as he steps on the floor. And then he groans.

He says it just might be termites and off we go to inspect the basement and the sub-floor. Guess what. No evidence of termites anywhere.

We go outside to inspect the outside walls. Our woodpile was suspect and the Orkin man and I moved it away from the house. Guess what...No evidence of termites.

Then the Orkin man spotted an ant. He asked me if I had ever seen any ants in the bathroom. Well, as a matter of fact, yes. The ants were identified as carpenter ants and we would definitely need to treat our house for them as they can cause as much damage as termites.

About this time, Larry, the handy-man shows up. He sets out to check out the bathroom floor. Out pops his handy-dandy pocket knife. He pokes it several times into the flooring and says we do not have termites. I suggested ants, but he disagreed. He said the constant wobbling of the toilet weakened the bolts securing the toilet and the seal broke causing leakage which caused water damage. He said he could fix my whole problem for $80.

Of course I said, "Fix it."

"When?"

"Right now."

"Well, I can't right now. How about tomorrow?"

"No good for me. I have class."

"I can't come on Monday. How about Tuesday."

Just great. No working toilet until Tuesday. Just then, he remembers he could come back in about 2 hours and fix it then. I tell him that would be fine and I would make the necessary phone calls to adjust my schedule to make it satisfactory.

He leaves. The Orkin man writes up an estimate and assorted pest control proposal and I call my horseback riding student to cancel her lesson.

Oh yeah, as we have a big problem with fleas this summer, I have the Orkin man do an estimate for super flea treatment.

Two hours later, Larry is back. Unfortunately, the pipe fixture that goes into the floor is much too tall and sits about 1/4 inch higher than it should and that was forcing the toilet to balance on top of it. Eventually, the bolts wore out and the toilet was just barely sitting on the pipe. Can you imagine the crappy situation that would have been caused had the toilet toppled over? Anyway, Larry did his best, but had to retrieve and additional tool and get the right fitting. So, one more day goes by.

Just because Larry is a good guy, he popped by this afternoon to see if he could continue his work today. Luckily my daughter was home and she told him to proceed. He was nearly finished when I got home from school.

It's 6 pm on Friday. I have a working toilet, no termites, maybe carpenter ants and fleas in my house, but my husband is vacuuming after sprinkling pet flea-killer carpet fresh.

The laminate floor installers come next week to put new floors down in the kitchen. I would wonder what they would find under the linoleum, but I'm having them put the new floor down directly on top of the old one. If it ain't broke don't fix it and don't ask, don't tell.